Engaged!!

Hello everyone!  Yes, it is me... the reclusive and elusive Sarah Lee.  Okay, I admit, I have been very preoccupied for quite a while with college, life, and.... the love of my life.

His name is Rezq and he is from Cairo, Egypt.  Yes, a very long ways away from Iowa!  Our meeting was completely by chance and the help of a dear friend on Facebook, Laverne.  I know that at different times I had seen comments or posts from Rezq on friends pages but it wasn't until Laverne suggested he be my friend on Facebook that I actually "met" the man.

Rezq is a very good and Godly man.  I can honestly say I know the moment I fell in love with him.  On his Facebook profile, he has beautiful photos that he has added the scriptures to in both English & Arabic.  He has literally over 400 of these photos.  That takes a lot of work and dedication to put those together.  As I was about photo #97, my heart was already very much in love with him.  His love for Jesus was so very evident in all those photos and just in all his posts period.

So the two of us started talking through Facebook, then Yahoo Messenger, and eventually on the video camera.  The more we talked, the more our hearts linked together.  On April 7th, I flew out of Omaha, Nebraska to Cairo, Egypt.  I had always loved Egypt and had wanted to go since I was a very little girl.  So not only was I flying out to be with the man I had grown to love, I also was going to see the land that had so captivated me since I was a small child.

However, it wasn't all a bed of roses leading up to my leaving.  I cannot even begin to tell you the number of people that ridiculed or mocked me. If anything, this whole experience has shown me who my true friends really are and also has shown me how little faith in God so many have anymore.  The most supportive of all my friends has been my sisters in Jesus - Tawnya, Tammy, Andrea, Nicole, and Linda.  Nicole was a very special jewel as she knew when I was leaving that it was to become engaged and she was just thrilled for me.  That meant a lot after so much bashing and passive aggressive meanness from my "friends." I have had to pray hard for all the other people that have hurt my heart that I would be able to forgive them for thinking so little of me and Rezq.

Despite all the mocking and prophets of "doom" I left and I'm so very glad I didn't listen to those people.  The first moment I saw Rezq in the airport, my heart leaped within me and the joy & glow of Christ was all about him.  In my heart, it was settled permanently any remaining doubts.  His family embraced me as one of their own and I finally felt as if I was home.  I cannot describe the feeling outside of that.  While there, I completely forgot about this place that I live now.  I have to admit, I didn't even think about my babies: Jeremiah & Sadie.  THAT is amazing for anyone that knows how much I love my doggies.

My New Family

That night I stayed up as late as I could but by 11:30pm Cairo time, I was exhausted and went to bed.  I slept like the dead but woke up the next day feeling great!  We went to the Seven Churches in Egypt.  Never have I seen such beautiful churches in all my life.  Rezq's cousin, Romany, and brother, Hany, joined us.  It was a wonderful experience and I got to love his brother and cousin as my own.  I cannot tell you how much I laughed with these three men.  They were all so precious and wonderful.  They also were so devoted to God in their worship.  I guarantee they were more genuine in their worship than the vast majority here.

That night, after the Seven Churches (and a nap! - ha), Rezq and I had a very long talk while his family went to pick up the rings and a sweet cake (that was awesome!)  The engagement ceremony was beautiful before his family and as I stared at my ring afterwards, that Rezq personally had picked out, I realized the finality of it all.  Rezq was the last man that I would ever be with and it overwhelmed me with thankfulness to God.  It was beautiful.

The next morning, we were going to go to the Sphinx and the Pyramids but Rezq and Hany were concerned.  The area involved is heavily occupied by Muslims and not just Muslims but as Rezq put it "bad people."   They were concerned for my safety, especially since there would not be many tourists there.  This would be my first act of submission. As I showered that morning, I decided that I would place the decision in Rezq's hands on whether or not we would go.  Even though I had long desired to go, it had to be his decision.  I could not live with myself if something happened to him or Hany because of my own dogged determination to do what I wanted to do.  In the end, it was decided we would go and I'm so glad that we did.  It was beautiful and when I saw the Sphinx I cried.  Here I was in Egypt, engaged to the love of my life, and before the very objects that I had so longed to see since I was a child.  I was undone and my thankfulness to God for making my dreams come true had me raising my hands in the sky right there and praising Him.

At the Pyramids

Monday came all too soon.  It was like taking off one of my own arms leaving Rezq the next day.  Our hearts had become so intertwined with one another.  I cried all the way back from Cairo and by the time I reached the States, I was spent emotionally.  So it definitely didn't help that I was once more berated by Customs about the foolishness of internet relationships or pulled out of line as if I was a terrorist in Amsterdam (the flight before reaching the states).  Yet despite all that, I am very pleased that I am with Rezq and that soon we will be married.

Since returning, I have had many well wishes (and I thank all of you that have done so) but I've also had a lot of backlash.  It is actually very insulting to me.  The basic overall tone is that I'm:  1. Desperate and willing to marry anyone or 2. So hideously disgusting that no man would want to marry me without some kind of agenda (i.e. citizenship).  I know some of them say these things out of concern but the bottom line is that they obviously don't think I have common sense or that I can  hear from the Lord.  To be honest, I'm most hurt that they have already judged Rezq without even knowing him.  I was so upset last night by the passive aggressive attacks that I cried myself to sleep.  This is supposed to be a time of great joy for me and it is because I know without a doubt that Rezq is sent from God.  The Lord has told me (and my Mom & Reno) as much before I left and upon returning.  I am at peace with that but all this other... Unfortunately, it has also become a great season of pain and will be until Rezq is finally here and they can see what I have seen by the grace of God.

My  heart hurts.  As I said, I've learned who I can trust and who I cannot trust.  Who is a true friend and who isn't.  I believe those that have been the worst, don't even know who I really am.  I have one set of friends that were "doom and gloom" before I left but when I returned home safe and sound, texting them to let them know I was safe & engaged, I have not heard one word from them.  Not a congratulations or even a "thank God."  Silence.

I have to just put them all in God's  hand and forgive them for their meanness.  They're the ones that will have to stand before God one day on all this, not me.  I did as God commanded me and I went by faith.  It will be by faith that I marry this man.  On May 1st, we will find out if Rezq gets one Visa he applied for quite a while back.  If he gets this Visa, he will be here within 3 months time.  If not, then we have to apply for another Visa.  Either way, he will be here eventually and I'm at peace with that.  In the meantime, I'm going to do what I need to do and praise God for being so good and so merciful to me always.

Rezq & Sarah

I love you all and I thank those of you that have supported and believed in me from the beginning.  God bless!

Take My Breath Away...

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!  As I write this note, I'm listening to one of my new CD's that my Mom & Dad got me for Christmas called: 80s Party Hits.  The song that is playing is one of my all time favorites but it is funny... I hadn't thought about it in a long time.  It's called Take My Breath Away by Berlin.  I'm a sucker for love songs... especially 80s love songs.  My mind will often take flight and from that, a story will emerge that I will eventually attempt to put into print.  The funny thing is that my mind isn't going to an imaginary story today as I listen. It is different somehow.  I thought, well that's interesting.  So I went and found the lyrics online.  They are:

Watching every motion
In my foolish lover's game
On this endless ocean
Finally lovers know no shame
Turning and returning
To some secret place inside
Watching in slow motion
As you turn around and say

Take my breath away
Take my breath away

Watching I keep waiting
Still anticipating love
Never hesitating
To become the fated ones
Turning and returning
To some secret place to hide
Watching in slow motion
As you turn to me and say

Take my breath away
Take my breath away

Through the hourglass I saw you
In time you slipped away
When the mirror crashed I called you
And turned to hear you say
If only for today
I am unafraid

Take my breath away
Take my breath away

Watching every motion
In this foolish lover's game
Haunted by the notion
Somewhere there's a love in flames
Turning and returning
To some secret place inside
Watching in slow motion
As you turn my way and say

Take my breath away
Take my breath away 

This has been a different sort of Christmas it seems.  Everyone seems so much more joyful.  People's minds and hearts seem to not be so self-centered (with a few notable exceptions - you can't escape the Bah Humbugers of the world).  It seems that more and more people are turning towards the true meaning of Christmas.  Something that I noted is that those that are the most like Ebeneezer Scrooge are also the ones that display signs of inner anger and turmoil with the world at large.  Yet the vast majority I have seen are embracing this season like none before.  I thought it was interesting that Halloween this year wasn't as "pumped up" as previous years yet Christmas this year seems to be meaning so much more to so many people.  It is heart warming to say the least.

Another thing that has really touched my heart is one of my oldest friends, Kari.  She has changed so much and so quickly!  I can remember a time when she didn't want me to say anything about Jesus.  Yet now, she is definitely in love with Jesus and her postings on Facebook are so Spirit filled that I almost cry to see the beautiful transformation.  God has answered my prayers in her and it has done something very special for me.  My heart is overflowed!

The Lord has been doing a lot of amazing things for me this Christmas season.  Most Christmas seasons, the focus for me is Reno.  Getting him this and that (dropping a fortune usually - I'm weak where he's concerned). Yet this year, I bought his gift in August and didn't even think about him again.  My heart was centered on my beautiful Mother.  I know that I haven't done enough for her through the years.  It grieves my heart to know that I've been rather self-centered where she is concerned.  I've taken for granted that she'll always be there.  Maybe we all do with our parents to some degree.  Perhaps it is because I'm getting older... I'll be 34 in March... that I really had a heaviness on my heart to make my mom feel like the royalty that she is!  The first thing I found was a beautiful crocodile purse from New York.  She's been needing a decent purse for years. What she has been using just hasn't been practical.  I was blessed that we have a store here in town with a lady that flies out to New York and procures purses & jewelry from New York.  When I went in there and seen this brown, crocodile purse... I knew it was the right one.  Yet not even an hour later, the thought of a stuffed tiger came into my my so strong that I E-bayed through my phone to see if there even was one.

When my mom was little, her big brother Joe & his wife Sue, bought her a stuffed Tiger for Christmas.  My Mom had this tiger all through my adolescence and even years beyond.  She loved that tiger, even though it was falling apart.  She loved it so much that she thought she had come to love it too much.  So she did the hardest thing ever, she threw it away.  It hurt her deeply to do it but she did it out of the love of Jesus.  Well about a month ago, we were watching Toy Story 3 and she said at one point, "Oh my Tiger."  I know this might sound silly but I went through sort of the same thing last year over a Pegasus that I had as a child. I found it on E-bay and that was my gift from my parents last year.  Well the reminder of her desire to have her tiger came back upon me and would not go away.  I searched for 1950's tigers & 1960's tigers on E-bay with no luck at all.  Then as if someone (the Holy Spirit obviously) whispered into my ear as I was sitting at the computer at home the words "Vintage Tiger" went through my mind.  I typed that into E-bay and the only tiger that popped up was an EXACT tiger to the one she had.  God made the ultimate arrangement.  I put in my max amount and submitted the bid.  NO ONE ELSE BID ON THAT TIGER!!  Not only that, I paid on a Saturday for the Tiger, they shipped it this last Monday and it was here on Wednesday!! Just in time for Christmas!!  It was a Christmas Miracle!!

When Mom opened that present today with the Tiger sitting inside the purse, she started crying like I haven't seen her cry in many, many years.  She held onto that tiger in a death grip and cried. It meant so very much to her and I know that she will always cherish and love that gift.  The gift that our Lord Jesus gave her.  I was just the instrument.  It was like a redeeming moment.  He was telling her, you loved me over your possession and now I am giving it back to you as a love gift.  How awesome and wonderful our Lord is!  I honestly feel like crying myself with the joy of it all and I'm something of a "tough one" when it comes to crying! ha.

I did have some melancholy this season as another year has gone by without having a family of my own but the Lord has been good and He soothed my heart.  Sometimes I wonder if I'm missing something He's telling me but the only definitive thing He has told me over and over and over again is WAIT.  So... I wait.  What more can I do?  I have to follow what He says not what my flesh would say.

So those are my thoughts.  New Years Eve is coming up and we're going to have a large celebration here at our house.  That should be fun.  So in case I do not get another chance to say this before then, HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!  2011 come on down!!!

Blessings and Rainbows...

Beautiful South West Iowa taken just outside Clarinda

I have been very busy the last couple of weeks.  On November 15th I began my new position as a Judicial Clerk at the courthouse.  I have to admit, the first few days I was thinking... "Wow, what have I got myself into now!"  Despite this, I have had a great amount of peace upon me since I started working here.  I can honestly almost see myself retiring from this position. BUT, I know that the Lord doesn't always go along with what WE think and I'm always open to what the Lord has for me.  Another thing that has been keeping me busy has been my college work.  I've not been giving it as much time as I should so the last several assignments have been midnight matinees for me!  The Lord has been gracious though and has seen me through some tough spots!!  Then there is our church's Christmas play: Christmas Came One Night.  Now that we are in the last couple of weeks (our play is next Friday-Sunday) rehearsals are on Mon, Tues & Thurs.  I absolutely LOVE the rehearsals and will definitely miss them when they're over but I am cramming everything right now.... so things have been hectic!!  This play has done some amazing things... Most of all, bringing me closer to my church family which is wonderful!!

The other day at work I was looking out the window as I was coming down the stairs from the second floor.  For years I have longed and longed to go back to Texas... or at least in that general area.  Yet in that moment, all that desire went away and I fell in love with Clarinda.  For the first time in my life, I felt as if I had finally found my home.  I love this beautiful little town.  I remember one man once describing downtown like the set from Back to the Future.  He's right, it is quaint like that and the courthouse does look like the clock tower in the movie.  Clarinda is the kind of place you want to raise a family.  Yes, it is very cold in the winter and it snows and snows and snows... However, all the other seasons are here in equality.  Yes it is cold but it is also hot in the summer, warm in the spring and cool in the fall.  The leaves fall down in a spectacular display of color as summer transitions to winter.  Then in the spring when everything begins to come alive again, there is a dazzling array of flowers.  In the summer, beautiful cannot even begin to describe this land.

Clarinda is just small enough to give you that "small town feeling" but also just big enough that you see new faces all the time.  In the summer, we have the Glenn Miller Festival.  They play swing music downtown at the square and have all kinds of exciting events during this period.  People from around the world come into this little town in Southwest Iowa just to partake in the festivities.

When I looked out that window the other day... I suddenly realized how blessed I have been to be in Clarinda and how this was my home!


Then you have my fellowship.  I have been around in churches.  I've seen everything under the sun, both in this community and others.  Yet this church was the first church I've been in where there was not just a few people filled with joy sprinkled about but the MAJORITY of the people are filled with the Joy of the Lord.  It was something I have been craving for a long time now.  That joy and I'm only just now beginning to have joy in my heart and life again.

I didn't realize it but I have been in the equivalent of a dark well for a very long time.  My own self-loathing was partially to blame.  I would stand in front of the mirror for a long period of time and criticize myself and how I looked.  I found myself to be some kind of hideous monster that would never and could never be loved by anyone but the Lord.  Hope was gone!  So... into an abyss I had plunged.

The Lord is so awesome.  I can attest to the fact that in those moments when I would curl up into a ball and just cry for long periods of time, He was right there with me- holding me in His strength.  It was those moments that I felt His presence the strongest when I was at my weakest.  Hating myself even as He poured out His love for me.  Oh what a beautiful and awesome God... friend... healer... comforter.  Words cannot even express what the Lord has come to mean to me with the passage of time.

Then about a month ago I'm sitting at church and my big brother in the Lord, Charley, leans forward from the pew behind me and gives me a big old bear hug and kissed the top of my head like father does their child.  He then told me, "Sis, you're wrong."  I was like... oh dear, now what have I done! ha.  He then said, "the other night you said 'if I ever get married' and I'm here to tell you that it is not an 'if' it is a when.  You need to go home, look at yourself in the mirror, and see yourself as I see you.  Ask the Lord to show you how He sees you.  You're beautiful, sis."  It pierced me.

So.... I did just that and the Lord... He showed me.  Not to be egotistical or anything but Charley is right.  I am beautiful.  For the first time in my life I believe it and you know what?  I've started seeing amazing changes in WHO I am as I am now crawling out of the well and into the light. I am confident and assured.  I do not feel as if I'm "putting on a show" for others to see a confident woman (as I've done for years) but instead, I honestly feel it.  I believe it and I know that one day... somehow, someway... even though it looks impossible because quite frankly there aren't any single CHRISTIAN men in my age bracket in the area that genuinely have a love for the Lord.... I know that despite all that that the Lord will bring that man from somewhere over the rainbow.

I know that the Lord will bring him here because He would not have put this love for Clarinda in my hard heart if this was not where He wanted me to be.  I don't know how or when or even how but I know that Jesus will do this very thing.  That He will fulfill the many promises that He has spoken forth to me through the Word, His servants, and even in visions and dreams.

Jesus bless you all my friends and if you too are struggling with what I have... cry out to the Lord to show you just how beautiful you are too.  My love to you all!

Cross in the Sky over Iowa

Sarah's Top Ten

These are the top 10 things that I am thankful for this year!

10.  My relationship status.  This time last year I was in a relationship that wasn't good for me or for him.  I am thankful this year that the Lord intervened and has set me on a new path.  I am much happier now.  I still hope for that man that the Lord has promised me but I'm content where I am for the first time ever.  Actually, a lot of times I think I'm better off!! ha.

9.  My new job.  While I enjoyed my previous position at CCF, I am much more at ease in my new position.  It is a struggle sometimes when I'm trying to remember everything but there is such an opportunity for advancement where I am at.  As I was sitting there the other day, it struck me that I could really see myself working there until I retired - God willing!

8.  My new home town, Clarinda!  I have for years now been moping because I love my Texas so very much.  Yet the Lord has never allowed me to go back or to stay there.  Well the other day, it struck me how much I love Clarinda and Iowa now. Yes the winters are horrible but at the same time, it is nice to always have a White Christmas.  We also actually have every season of the year here.  Plus Clarinda is the type of town that you WANT to raise a family in.  Unlike myself, I want any children I will have in the future to have roots in a town and I realized only recently that Clarinda is where I want to raise a family.

7.  Facebook.  Okay, I know.  It seems funny to say that but you know what?  Facebook has brought me back into communication with people I haven't seen or talked to in ages!  I have friends on here that were my friends in Kindergarten!  As many times as I have moved through the years (and been like a hobo most my life) it is nice to be able to reconnect with all the people that I have loved and cared for in my life.  Facebook has done just that and for that, I am thankful for it!

6.  My church, Hillside Missionary Church.  I have been to several churches since I was saved in 2004.  They've all had their ups (good teaching, friends, activities, etc.) and their downs (legalism, unloving attitudes, self-righteousness) but it wasn't until I came to Hillside that I finally found a good rounding to what is most important.  Great teaching coupled with works outward into the community with a joyful Spirit upon the congregation and especially the Pastor.  Most importantly that love for everyone that Christ commanded us as believers to share.

4.  My dachshunds: Jeremiah, Sadie & my grandbabies Ariel, Pepper & Brutus.  They have brought so much joy into my life that I cannot even begin to describe how much I love them.  At night, Jeremiah & Sadie are right there with me. Granted Jeremiah waits until I'm asleep or almost asleep before he snuggles up next to me but it is such a comfort to have them there with me.  When I come home, nothing warms my heart quite as much as their enthusiastic greeting of love.

5.  My friends.  What can I say, I have the greatest group of friends a person could ever want!  I have people who love me and care for me just as I am in all my ways... even the weird ones!  We laugh together, we cry together, we lift each other up and most of all we love one another.  All my friends are the greatest gift I could ever have wanted and I thank Jesus for each and every one of you!  Tawnya, Tuesday, Tammy, Linda, Arlinda, James, and Charley.  You guys are such a wonderful blessing to me.  You are the sisters and big brothers that I've always wanted.  I cannot imagine a world without you guys and I am always praying that nothing ever hurts this special bond that we share!  I love you guys now and always!

3.  My family.  What a blessing I have to have such a large family.  I count not only my blood relation but also my extended family in Jesus.  The Lord smiled so much upon me when He put me into such a blessed family.  I take great joy especially for Reno.  He's such a special little guy for me.  I love him more than words can ever say.

2.  My Salvation & The Word.  Without the covering blood of Jesus, I would be nothing.  The Word guides me and shapes me.  It leads me in the paths of Righteousness. It ministers to me and keeps me.  Without it, I would be totally lost and doing only what is "right in my OWN eyes" rather than what is right in God's eyes.  Without my salvation, I would be hell bound.

1.  Father Abba God, Jesus Christ the son, and the blessed Holy Spirit.  Without them life would be meaningless.

Sherlock Holmes... A New Generation

Yesterday I was at the store and saw the game Clue.  We used to have the game but a while back, we got rid of it along with a number of other old games that were cluttering up our upstairs.  Reno was still too young to enjoy it at the time and my mom & I did not play it as you have to have 3 players to do so.  So while I was patrolling Alco looking for a birthday present for one of my best friend's children, I thought... wouldn't that be fun?

Reno has recently been getting more and more interested in mysteries, especially those of Sherlock Holmes.  He has such an inquisitive mind that I knew if I could get him hooked into that sort of thing that he would absolutely love it.  I had no idea what I might have started!  We've watched various detective movies in the past but it was not until we watched the new Sherlock Holmes movie starring Robert Downy Jr. & Jude Law that his interest was definitely caught!  It was a fantastic movie.  Reno was intrigued previously with who Sherlock Holmes was and why various sports announcers had called him Sherlock Holmes.  With a last name like Holmes, it's almost inevitable! ha.  Any ways, I digress.  We watched this movie and it lit something up in him.  He absolutely loved it!  Well recently we watched another movie called Young Sherlock Holmes, which he also enjoyed.  It was also a pretty good movie.  The whole crime fighting and solving cases things is intriguing to him.  He had recently expressed interest in the game of Clue and as I stood in the store looking at it, I thought, why not? All the boardgames were on sale and I figured I wouldn't be able to get it any cheaper.  So I picked it up and later that night we played three rounds.

I might have created a monster.  Reno, on his score key, changed his name from Reno to Sherlock.  He also displayed some brilliance as we played.  I do not know how he knew but I would show mom a card, well out of sight from the lad, and he would KNOW instantly what card I had shown.  The same was true when mom showed me her card!  My mom solved two cases but Reno beat her to the pool both those times and got the credit.  It was amazing.  I do have to admit, the way his mind was working last night, he has some talent in the field.  I have to wonder if one day he might be a criminal investigator of some nature.

Or perhaps he'll just enjoy reading mysteries like Sherlock Holmes, playing Clue, and just enjoying the adventure of reasoning out "who did it".  In either case, it was fun playing last night.  We all had a great time and really enjoy the new version of Clue.  It is always such a blessing to spend time with family!

Set your phasers to stun!!!!

For those that have been wondering as to the rather vague notion to open doorways, I now can speak with full disclosure.  An opportunity to work as a Judicial Clerk at the Page County courthouse opened.  I had an interview the Thursday following the "Open Doors" posting. I interviewed and to be honest, I thought I had tanked it.  Some of the questions I was asked I did not expect to be asked.  A lot of "what if" and while I thought I had tanked the questions entirely, apparently I answered them well!  The following week, she began calling all my references which included my current boss and several co-workers.  Needless to say, the cat was literally "out of the bag"!  One co-worker, Dave, came into my office and said that if I was given the job that he would throw himself at my legs and grovel.  "Who else am I going to talk Star Trek with out here?" he cried.  I will miss Dave, he was a lot of fun.  It's not often you meet someone that loves Star Trek the way I do.  Any ways, back to the story. Last Tuesday, I was offered the position but she said that it had to go through her supervisor first along with a background check before I officially had the position.  She said I would hear from them in a few days.  Well a few days lasted a week!

Today I received the phone call from her that I had passed all the last checks and was approved by the supervisor.  She offered the job once more and I took it.  I then had to fill out a resignation for my current position.  I started feeling weepy as I did this.  While I won't miss necessarily going through those gates or knowing rather extensively the darkness in the hearts of man, I will miss many of my co-workers, especially those in the Education Department.  They're a great group of gals and that lone guy, Dave.  It's not easy making change.  I was thinking about how I'm going to have to start all over again building my reputation at this new place of employment.  However, I enjoy a challenge and I know it will be a challenge.  It sounds like the courthouse is in a season of transition, so this should be an interesting experience ahead.  With the help of Jesus, I can do all things!

This will change my life in about a million ways very soon....  To sum it up in true Star Trek form.... I will be exploring strange new worlds and seeking out a new life in new places... boldly going where I have never been before!!!

Open Doors

It is amazing to me how the Lord works sometimes.  It seems that when you're really looking hard for Him to move in some way that nothing seems to happen but the minute you are not looking or watching, something amazing happens!  That is the case today... Perhaps I will share what I mean at a later date but for now, I will hold my peace.

Lately I have been having a deep longing for a home of my own.  Now that my Dad has a job that works great for him and I'm no longer needed, it seems like I'm being forced out the door.

The ceiling in my room fell in on one corner a while back, seems as if Dad is grouchy almost every day and irritated with me, and my babies (God bless them) seem to be annoying everyone but me.  I've got a deep longing now to have my own place and my own space.  I need that.  I lived on my own for years and while I have been paying rent to my parents these last couple of years, I've never felt as if this was really my home.  There is some sadness for me, though, in this new desire.

When I packed up my apartment two or three years ago (I can't remember right now when I moved in!), I did not expect to leave my parents house until I was married.  So I carefully chose what to keep and what to chunk. All in mind that when I opened those boxes that would have everything a newly married couple needed in them, that I would be unpacking them with my new husband.  I could even envision this man looking in and laughing at this or that.  I really felt that living with my family would be training time in getting me ready to live with someone else after having been living alone for more than 10 years.

So it is sad for me now that I'm beginning to seriously think about leaving after all these years that this won't be the reality.  Yet... I do feel as if the time for major change is upon me.

Something else that struck me today is that I believe that I've finally put down roots in this community.  Now that I have two wonderful friends in Tuesday and Tawnya, I don't feel the need any longer to go chasing after some distant horizon.  I feel as if I should just stick around Clarinda indefinitely.  I was just telling Tuesday that when I think about the future, such as getting married or having children, I see her and Tawnya there sharing in those moments.  This was part of the message at the recent After 5 dinner I went to and I instantly thought of these two special ladies who are not just friends but also sisters.

So doors open... Others close... The Lord Jesus is in charge.  Praise be to the Father, Son and the Holy Spirit!



These photos are of me & Tawnya (white shirt) & Tuesday (red shirt).